I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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