All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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