Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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