This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
