What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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