so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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