he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize