Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
