If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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