When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
