you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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