And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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