I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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