you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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