we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
