All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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