her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
