WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
