I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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