dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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