"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
