the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I had to cum in my sink.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
