i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
