I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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