your thong is hanging out like whoa
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
