You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
