I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
