I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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