I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Farmville is her only friend.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
