sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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