if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
