he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
