i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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