Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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