You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
