what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
