Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
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I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dicks are not precious.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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