2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She needs sedatives and a leash
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
