Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
