I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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