Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
