Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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