we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there's paper in my vomit.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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