Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
