OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
