Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
