we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
