I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Everything about him screamed your future.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
As shirtless as possible
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize