Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
