Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
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i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts