its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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