can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.