It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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