smell my finger.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
