Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
