Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
