Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
