By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
