Your face is a jimmy john
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
