EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
