Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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