why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
