He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
