she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
