I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My first STD was from a foam party
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
