I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
