I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
