actually, I'm a sock model
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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