My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize