Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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