i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
40s are totally the cure
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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