It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize